Sunday, 30 August 2015

Seen on the Wall of an EPC Contractor's office:

A sign commonly seen on the Wall of an EPC Contractor's office:

Architect- Some one who designs a combined monument to himself and tombstone for the contractor.

Architect's estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.

Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.

Subcontractor- Someone who is expected to correct all mistakes made by others and to provide financing for contractors and owners.

Pre-Construction Conference - A meeting held by the client, contractor, and subcontractors while they are still on speaking terms.

Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal points.

Bid opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Completion date - A predetermined period during which, under ideal conditions, about 70% of the project can be completed, and the point at which liquidated damages begin.

Critical path method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

Liquidated damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Low bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.

Profit -A small amount of money remaining after the completion of a project, sometimes large enough to pay taxes.

Project manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Quantity Surveyor - People who go in after the battle is lost and bayonet the wounded.

Lawyer - People who go in after the quantity surveyors and strip the bodies.

Of course, I don't feel like that about lawyers, I'm an expert witness, not an EPC contractor nowadays.

Friday, 21 August 2015

The August Lull

Nothing much to do for the remainder of the month on the real engineering front, everyone seems to be on holiday.

We have offers under consideration for various overseas training courses, but August is a quiet time for business all around the world. 

Though I still have the work of publicising "An Applied Guide", and writing "Plant Layout", I'm ahead of schedule on both projects.

I'm planning on taking it easy for a few weeks.