Architect- Some one who designs a combined monument to himself and tombstone for the contractor.
Architect's estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.
Subcontractor- Someone who is expected to correct all mistakes made by others and to provide financing for contractors and owners.
Pre-Construction Conference - A meeting held by the client, contractor, and subcontractors while they are still on speaking terms.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal points.
Bid opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Completion date - A predetermined period during which, under ideal conditions, about 70% of the project can be completed, and the point at which liquidated damages begin.
Critical path method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
Liquidated damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Low bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.
Profit -A small amount of money remaining after the completion of a project, sometimes large enough to pay taxes.
Project manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Quantity Surveyor - People who go in after the battle is lost and bayonet the wounded.
Lawyer - People who go in after the quantity surveyors and strip the bodies.
Of course, I don't feel like that about lawyers, I'm an expert witness, not an EPC contractor nowadays.