Sunday, 30 August 2015

Seen on the Wall of an EPC Contractor's office:

A sign commonly seen on the Wall of an EPC Contractor's office:

Architect- Some one who designs a combined monument to himself and tombstone for the contractor.

Architect's estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.

Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.

Subcontractor- Someone who is expected to correct all mistakes made by others and to provide financing for contractors and owners.

Pre-Construction Conference - A meeting held by the client, contractor, and subcontractors while they are still on speaking terms.

Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal points.

Bid opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Completion date - A predetermined period during which, under ideal conditions, about 70% of the project can be completed, and the point at which liquidated damages begin.

Critical path method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

Liquidated damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Low bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.

Profit -A small amount of money remaining after the completion of a project, sometimes large enough to pay taxes.

Project manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Quantity Surveyor - People who go in after the battle is lost and bayonet the wounded.

Lawyer - People who go in after the quantity surveyors and strip the bodies.

Of course, I don't feel like that about lawyers, I'm an expert witness, not an EPC contractor nowadays.

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